Friday, 31 July 2009

Your Piss Can Save Lives


Your piss can save lives. It turns out there is something contained in your piss called Urokinase that, as luck would have it, is extremely effective at breaking up blood clots that occur when you have a stroke or a heart attack. Now please take note that this is not an excuse to quickly run over to your grandmother should she have a heart attack and piss on her. The urine needs to be filtered first and all these anticoagulent products harvested. However, should you have a burning desire to piss on your grandmother anyway, who am I to stop you.

So if doctors can use your piss then why aren't we being paid for it by the bucketfull? How do they collect the stuff? Well, it turns out somebody already has a whole bunch of piss on their hands...

The Porta-John company have made a kind of porta-loo whereby they collect gallons of piss and process it in the required manner to make it useful to the doc. They have more than 10,000 rental toilets that are like giant specimen jars, they have gotten enough product to go into the production of what their website refers to as "human sourced proteins."

A filter is placed in each Porta-John, harvesting the desired proteins on a flow by flow basis while weeding out undesired clutter such as shit, used condoms and things that lay outside the dark boundaries of the human imagination. I'm guessing the guy that gets sent to retrieve these filters didn't really "wow" anybody during the interview process.

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