Carly's Next Car Is A............

Here is my next car.

I've been busy saving my change in a jar to pay for it.

This very special Mercedes SLR McLaren Red Gold
Dream has been adorned with 500 rubies and 14k
gold, transforming a once unassuming super car into
something truly eye-catching.

The car is estimated to be $4.3 million.

Reasons Why Women Don't Need Handymen

10. Don't Forget The Emergency Break!

"It might be a little steep, but it should be fine"





9. Crooked Window, Crooked Contractor

"No, that looks pretty strait to me. Who really cares anyway?"




8. Watch Your Head! Doh!

"Nah, these steps are fine. You might
have to duck a little, but that's normal."




7. Safety first!

"Dude, that's a perfect place for a security
monitor. Wait, where should we put the camera?"




6. Miniature Steps And Handrail

"Housing codes require that we put up a
handrail if there is a staircase...or just
one single, solitary stair.

At least we're pretty sure that's what it says."




5. Light Pole

"Well, we have to put up a light pole here.
So, should we move the building or think
of something else?

I don't feel like moving the building today.

Let's think of something else."




4. What Doors?

"Hey, you told us to build the offices. You
didn't say anything about doors. That's not my job."




3. Bridge To Nowhere

"Harry, you do that side of the bridge and
I'll do this side. I'm sure it will all come
together somehow."




2. ATM (Awkwardly Tall Machine)

"Can you please stand a little further back?
I don't want you to see my pin number as
I jump to put it in. Thanks."




1. Too Close For Comfort

"Are our butts touching a little Howard?

Who built this anyway?"

Woman Dies Using Jack Hammer To Pleasure Herself

ARNDALE, OK – Sheriff’s investigators have closed the unsettling case of a 49-year-old female construction worker found dead in her driveway after a neighbor witnessed her using a high-powered jackhammer to pleasure herself.

After a two-day investigation in which officials initially suspected foul play–Shirley Dent’s death on May 1 has now been ruled an accident “after severe internal distress induced by the machine was discovered,” Det.-Sgt. Karl Sprout of the Alpara County Sheriff’s Office said yesterday.

On May 1, a neighbor witnessed a naked Ms. Dent in her driveway “struggling to direct a jackhammer toward her mid-section.” The alarmed neighbor notified police after hearing ear-splitting moans of distress that carried over the raucous jackhammer. Authorities arrived at the scene to an unresponsive Ms. Dent, who was then transported to West Grenier Hospital where she was pronounced dead shortly thereafter.

The recently divorced Ms. Dent had been questioned by authorities three times over the past month after neighbors complained of her running a prostitution ring from her home. Records also show that Ms. Dent supplemented her income as the sole proprietor of a sex toy distributor.

Ms. Dent’s alleged extracurricular activities appear to be unrelated to her death. A neighbor who declined to be identified said, “She was a horny lady, especially after her husband moved out. My family could hear moans coming from her place all the time.”

The BRAVEST Little Girl In The World

This is the bravest little girl in the world in my eyes.

Only ten years old and performing live in front of 18 million people, she started well but broke down in tears halfway through her performance. I had floods of tears running down my face watching this God love her.

She begged to be given another chance, her mother ran to the stage to comfort her and begged the judges to give her another chance.

Time was up for her though, the producers said they had no spare time. That was until BGT boss Simon Cowell declared "Hollie, somehow we will find time for you".

Here is her first performance, get the tissues ready.




Hollie left the stage and was allowed back. How she found the courage to do this was beyond me. The whole of Britain held it's breath for 3 minutes and Hollie absolutely nailed it big time.

What an awesome little girl.

Charlie The One Winged Duck

Charlie the drake flaps his wing at the
Weald and Down Open Air Museum in
Singleton, West Sussex.

The mallard's other wing was damaged
by a gun shot and it had to be amputated.

One consolation for Charlie is the fact he
is now officially the "Flying around in circles"
world champion.